Wayne Crawford – 23 Reasons Why it is Better to be C

Wayne Crawford

23 Reasons Why it is Better to be Circumsized

I am or an iamb is a particle that doesn’t know it’s a wave, even when I point my flashlight at the Shadow of God, and on the evening of the poetry reading, the temperature drops from spring to winter, giving those with nice leather coats an excuse to listen, but how should a boy, 13-years old, answer when his mother says, “You have beautiful, well-shaped thighs”? The gang plays basketball Saturday mornings in Eddie’s backyard.  I am fouled, they agree I should shoot a free throw.  I throw underhanded, miss, and shout “crap” because I am too proper and polite to say “shit.” Their laughter startles Sisyphus from his routine.  And when I come down from my mountain where the wind howls in my ear, I rock the boat, fall overboard and learn: what goes on in the ocean turns up on land and in the air and eventually enters my bed- room through my television, and lizards I carry in the cuffs of my pants with birds, snakes, fish, mosquitoes, termites, bees and enough flakes of skin for a feast.  All fall to the floor, stick to my feet, travel room to room, towels to socks to sheets, rub off on anyone I kiss, make love to, shake hands with, sneeze at, bump into, sit beside, hug, breathe the same air, share the same water or pew. Spiders web my face while I sleep, force me to razor shave my morning. At the flea market, I glimpse a painting of Jesus wearing a cowboy hat, turns out to be Willie Nelson.  God is great.  I know because I watch the Wisdom Channel and I have learned that circum- sized men are 23 times more likely to receive oral sex before dinner or after a shower except in Utah and parts of Texas.

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